Ever since I started writing about online dating, eHarmony is one of the companies that I get the most questions about. The methods and success rates of this company have been widely noted, but this hype also gives the whole process a kind of mystique and leaves some people intimidated or worried about not “getting it right.”
People often view the eHarmony process as more science than romance or dating. This is not entirely true. Yes, they have the widely discussed 29-point compatibility system, but it’s honestly not that difficult. There is no reason to fear this process. In fact, company screening and testing are the main reasons for its success rate. And honestly, you can make this process work for you and not against you, which I will discuss in the next article.
Work on your own before starting eHarmony: To know who your soulmate is when he’s looking you straight in the eye, you’ll need to know exactly who and what you want. Sometimes we think we are clear on this when in reality we are not. We want an ideal that we think we should want or that we think our parents, friends, or even children want or need for us.
The problem with this is that we are going to attract the right person for these people rather than the right person for us. Ultimately, what most people want is a fulfilling, healthy, and happy relationship that feels almost effortless because both people are “right” for each other. However, understand that you are not likely to get this if you don’t know who you are and who is right for you. In addition, you must be able to successfully convey this self-knowledge.
We often underestimate ourselves or stop before asking for what we really want because our self-confidence or self-knowledge is low. You really must believe that you deserve who you really love and that you are worthy of this. There really is someone for everyone. You have to trust that this is true. Otherwise, you will project doubts and may fall short.
This is why it is so important to take the time to determine what you want and need. You should also do the necessary work yourself to be confident that you will need to approach this process with an open mind and heart. Many people lower their expectations and tell themselves to “settle” when this is simply not true. Now is the time to wait for what and who you want. Know this and get excited about the process.
Always be honest, but use your self-knowledge to bring out the best in yourself: The worst thing you can do is retain the initial test or what is otherwise called a personality profile. People sometimes don’t like that the test can last 45 to an hour. Either they worry that the test is not accurate or it paints them in bad light or shows their flaws.
Wait until you have uninterrupted time to perform the test. Know that the answers on the test are not really “correct.” There are no leading questions, at least in my opinion. They are asking these questions so they can match you with who is potentially right for you. This is why it is so important to be honest. Make sure your answers are what is really true, not what you think people want to hear. Again, if you beautify or pretend to be someone you are not, then you will be paired with the person who would be compatible with who you are pretending to be.
The same is true when setting up your profile. You definitely want to do your best. Use your personal work to paint yourself in a positive but truthful light. Once again, you want to be paired with people who will be compatible with your true self. Who wants to pretend in the long run?
Your attitude counts as much as the other variables: People often assume that the personality test and matches are the most important part of eHarmony. These things are important, but equally important is the attitude you have when you approach this. The point is, you don’t want to approach this with dread and apprehension. These things are shown and counted. Finding your “match” and your soulmate can take a bit of time, so it’s very important to make the process one that you enjoy and don’t care about.
Always remember that people are attracted to people who make them feel good about themselves and their situation. If you project negativity, doubt, reluctance, or fear, your results could be affected. Promise to have fun and approach this knowing you have something to offer. Sure, you may have to meet a few people before you find your soulmate, but nothing says that you can’t benefit from making new friends or enjoying new experiences. People who enjoy the process and have fun seem to have a much higher degree of success, in my opinion.
Use the tools they provide: One of the best things about eHarmony is that they offer you many tools to get to know your partners in a very stress-free way. His guided communication tools are second to none. Some people tell me that they feel like this forces them to move slowly. But I really think this can be beneficial for you. It allows you to know possible matches without any pressure. Basically, they allow you to share information and ask questions before you entertain yourself with going any further.
All this gives you experience, allows you to get to know the other person and will allow you to increase your confidence. If you tackle this and compete correctly you should have a good idea of who each match is and this should help you assess whether you want to go further. This is far better than hoping for the best and taking the time to meet someone who would be a waste of time anyway.
Plus, the time and effort that this entire process requires ensures that people are on eHarmony for all the right reasons. Generally, people on eHarmony are not looking to “connect.” They seek long-term, committed relationships. The slow and painstaking pace of the process helps ensure that you are paired with people like you who are serious about this.