The Tao of kissing

Do you remember your first kiss? Do. It was a kiss stolen from a barn. I was 13 years old and, puzzled, I was paralyzed. Forty years later, I vividly remember the sweet and gentle feeling mixed with the newfound excitement.

Sometimes we forget how important a kiss can be. We grow up, we get jobs, we have responsibilities, and we lose that connection. We take for granted the soft and sensual intimacy of a kiss that forces us to want more, reminding us that we are alive.

Recently, a couple underwent sex therapy and, after four years of marriage, had lost interest in sex and kissing. They loved each other, wanted to be together, and were raising a little boy. When I asked them about their sexual habits, I learned that they started sex with one or the other by saying, “We should probably have sex tonight.” When asked about kissing, they just looked at me like I was a wacky therapist. It was not something they participated in to enhance their sexual experience or their lives together.

Kissing has a science behind it. When we kiss someone, a surge of oxytocin is released in our brain. This hormone is essential for our bond and attachment to another human being. His release makes us feel wonderful, safe, and deeply connected to our lover. Create an impressive intimacy between the two of you. This deep connection is probably why kissing videos don’t waste time on porn. Kissing not only generates sexual arousal, but also euphoria. Yes, euphoria! So why, after a couple of months or years together, do we forget to kiss our partner in that way that drives them crazy?

Kissing also has an evolutionary history. Some believe it arose to ensure the species continued. Mothers chewed food into small pieces and gave it to their babies, mouth to mouth. Another theory is that kissing was a way for women to test the future father of their children. Some even say that kissing began as a way to transmit germs to a woman before she became pregnant to strengthen her immunity.

But I don’t think scientists or historians have the complete picture of kissing. How can a scientific model explain the level of intimacy when two people decide to get so close that their lips touch? And how can a historian really explain the emotional surge that accompanies the tingling that begins in the hundreds of nerve endings lodged in your lips and runs through your entire body?

They do not understand the meaning of a simple kiss. A kiss is not just a kiss. It can make or break a relationship and / or sexual encounter. Think of Snow White’s kiss with the prince or the story of the princess and the frog. These kisses were more than a simple joining of lips. They symbolized a rebirth, a transformation. Eve Glicksman says: “Ancient lovers believed that a kiss would literally unite their souls, because it was said that the spirit was carried in the breath.”

No matter the movie east of eden, The notebook, gold Secret in the mountain, we all remember the scene that attracts us and ignites something inside. The connection between the characters and their longing for each other increases our anticipation for the kiss.

A single kiss can mean so many things – a greeting, a farewell, a love – but what really attracts us is the longing for another, the promise of a sweet surrender to come. Or maybe it’s the breath of life, letting us know that we are vibrant and alive. It is part of the human experience. As Shelley said, “The soul meets the soul on the lips of lovers.”

So how can you become a better kisser? Maintaining good oral health, wearing lip balm, staring into your partner’s eyes, moving and tilting your head are all things that will help you plant one for your lover. Beyond that, it is important to maintain the feeling of being in the moment. What makes a kiss special is what it says in that very moment, only between those two people. The best thing about kissing is the experience of being aware with all your attention on your partner and all their attention on you.

So go ahead, give your partner a full and delicious mouth-to-mouth kiss tonight. It may not be your first kiss, but it may be your best.

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