The American poet John Greenleaf Whittier once mused; “Because of all the sad words on the tongue or the pen, the saddest are these: ‘It could have been.’ These words are of particular relevance today, as modern life is plagued by fear, insecurity and constant social and commercial change.The ability for humans in developed countries to seek sustenance elsewhere is a contemporary phenomenon fecundated in the 20th century and wildly expanded at the beginning of the 21st.
For most of human history, individuals and small family groups were solely responsible for hunting, gathering, and protecting their people from the elements. Nobody retired. There were no work rules, except that you had to work and produce what you and your family supported. Holidays were unknown. Laziness would result in being kicked out of the family unit and probably starving.
In fact, in most of the world to this day, people still earn a living as subsistence herders, farmers, or fishermen. They start working as soon as they can walk and work until they die. Anthropologists have studied these populations and have noted that, in general, they seem to be more satisfied, happier, and more satisfied with the simpler pleasures of life than citizens of wealthier, more developed regions.
What makes modern man, inhabitant of industrialized countries, so melancholic? The relative abundance of necessities and the opportunity to have these items subsidized or provided free of charge have created rights societies.
This entitlement mentality has meant that many of us, not all of us for sure but many, have lost the advantage of living life to the fullest, facing risk bravely, falling down occasionally, but always getting up to fight another day. It is easier for these people to blame others and when they see abundance around them, they feel and claim this generosity even though they have not contributed to its creation.
I find this waste of talent, energy and self-fulfilment abhorrent. As Mr. Whittier so rightly said; “Could have been”. That it COULD have been means it wasn’t. The opportunity has been lost for these souls. Life passes and regrets; remorse and bitterness over injustice and the vagaries of life are almost always blamed on others.
I recently attended the funeral of an old friend. Life had not gone well for this longtime acquaintance. As often happens at funerals and wakes, friends and family talked about my deceased friend and told stories about his life, loves and experiences. Sadly, as I made my way through many of his oldest friends and his family, he was remembered with love, but also with deep sadness. The melancholy was evident when many spoke of the late man’s disappointment at his manual work and the unfulfilled dreams of him that had turned him into a sad and semi-bitter old man.
This man had raised a family, worked, lived in a neat little house, attended church, drove his own car, and had all the modern conveniences of life: air conditioning, telephone, color television, washer, dryer, etc. . In short, he was one of the richest people in the history of the world. But he had, and he regularly expressed deep regrets for the path his life had taken. He was a dissatisfied inventor. At the time of his death, his home workshop was filled with models, prototypes and renderings of products he had conceived and wanted to market. “It could have been”, if only my old friend had been able to take the plunge and commit to fulfilling his dreams.
In my product development and marketing consulting business we meet all kinds of people looking to commercialize their ideas and inventions. Many of the ideas are poorly conceived or have other problems. However, many offer real business appeal and opportunity. But very few, just a handful, will ever get a chance to see the consumer products market. Dreamers who choose to find reasons not to fully engage in the pursuit of success are deluding themselves.
I couldn’t imagine facing the end of life and regretting letting life go, not playing the game of life as fully as possible. WC Fields’ headstone read: “I’d rather be here than Philadelphia.” Too many people should have tombstones that say, “Could have been.”
