Is sex no longer what it once was? Have you been married for a while? Has the bedroom become the “boring” room? Do you wonder if your partner cares more about the television/computer/ [whatever] What are your sexual needs/desires? Well, you are not alone. Husbands and wives sleep soundly every night with unfulfilled sexual needs/desires, creating a trail of resentment and frustration. Take a look at these steps to improve sex in your marriage.
Have a “talk” with your husband/wife. WAIT, stay with me a minute, this is worth it. Start the conversation like this. “Honey, you know I love you, but we both know our sex lives suck and we need better, we deserve better, I deserve more just like you deserve more. I’m willing to commit to working very hard to improve our sex lives, but also I need a commitment from you. Before you pull the plug, I’d like us to work on a few things that I found in this article. I think it will help us.” At this point, you AND your spouse will either be willing to WORK on this “problem” or you won’t.
First, you both need an open mind. It is essential that both are willing to gain an “understanding” of the other. They MUST discover each other’s sexual NEEDS and WANTS. Even if he has been married for 10 years or more, the sexual needs/desires may have changed or may never have been discovered. Sometimes, particularly with sex, we are afraid that our spouse knows what we want or need. Perhaps we are embarrassed or embarrassed? Still, if he doesn’t know what his spouse needs or wants, he’s not likely to satisfy him. Both husband and wife need to think seriously about what they need from each other sexually. Men and women are often polar opposites in their sexual needs. That’s fine and normal. Both husband and wife should make a written list of those needs/wants.
The next step is where “the rubber meets the road” in your sex life. We often have a “selfish” approach when it comes to sex. That’s fine AS LONG as we also have a commitment to step aside and give our spouse what he or she needs sexually. Hollywood has given the world an unrealistic model of a healthy and sexy life. Husband and wife do not “magically” find sexual fulfillment in the same “activities” or even at the same time. A healthy sex life requires a lot of giving. For example, women often need intimacy to feel sexually fulfilled. This might require a husband to spend more time before AND after “intercourse,” cuddling, etc. – Maybe he just wants to snuggle without having sex? How many times have you heard a woman say “she gets what she wants, she has her orgasm, then she walks away”? That woman is not being fulfilled. Men are usually less complicated. Men often have certain sexual “things” in mind that they want to do (or have had done to them). Ladies, DO NOT underestimate the power of your man’s sex drive. Those “things” may seem silly, gross or whatever, but to your man they are essential to the sexual health of your marriage. PLEASE don’t make your man feel bad about this sexual “stuff”. Please do your best to meet his needs and wants. Simply taking his “strange” sexual needs seriously and showing a desire to satisfy them could rejuvenate his sex life. When I say “weird,” I’m not talking about “kinky” sexual practices. I’m talking about positions and activities you’d find in your average “husband and wife” sex book.
Finally, I know you’re tired. I know that children need attention and I know that many things happen to all of us in life. However, satisfying sexual needs/desires is something like keeping the lawn mowed, the dishes washed, the house clean, the car running smoothly, etc. If you’re really looking for a GREAT sex life with your spouse, be prepared to work at it every day. Not only will you see an improvement in your sex life, but the joy will spread to other parts of your relationship as well. A final word to the ladies: Her husband is more interested in what she is willing to DO to meet her needs/wants than HOW she looks! It is true. Final words to the guys: don’t try to “act” in the bedroom. She is not interested in your performance. She is interested in your willingness to truly LISTEN to her, connect with her in an intimate way, and show her your desire to keep her sexually satisfied. She needs it from you. Commit to each other – you deserve it – and learn to enjoy each other.
