Several of my friends are billionaires. On the other hand, several of my friends don’t have two cents to rub together. I fall somewhere in the middle. Here are some things I’ve learned about dating the rich.
First of all, discovering that someone has money can affect you inside. Sometimes, you imagine, “oh, I wonder what his house will be like.” Or you start wondering, “do they have a boat?” or “Maybe they’ll contribute money to a cause I’m working on…” or even “Am I going to be judged because I don’t have that much?”
That’s when you have to mentally stop and focus on the person. Are they a good person? Is he someone who shares the same values as me? Do I like dating this person?
There are so many benefits to having rich friends. I have been invited to many fundraisers as a guest just to hang out. I have been invited to many private clubs and country clubs for lunches, dinners or events. I have flown private jets to New York and stayed in fancy hotels with them. They have given me jobs and I have been with them at their fancy parties that are full of celebrities. I’ve gotten to sit in the “owners box” at sporting events because of them, and I’ve even gotten to sit in the director’s box at some of New York’s most prestigious cultural events.
But the question is always: “how do you return them?” That’s the hard part. Because if you’re a bum, or someone who loves hanging out with the rich just because they can GIVE YOU stuff, then that’s the reputation you’ll have and no one will want you around. My friend Suzy told me that there was a guy in Naples who dated all the men just to GET stuff. He was ALWAYS close to family and finally she had to tell him this: “Charles, you don’t belong here. You don’t have family. You’re not OUR family. I don’t want you to go out with my husband and I don’t want you to go out with my kids. Go to find someone else to hang out with, because you’re not welcome in my family anymore.
But even if it’s not that serious, there still has to be a give and take in a relationship. Most of my wealthy friends have wealthy husbands and I am good friends with both husband and wife. I am a friend, coach and support for my friends, their husbands and in them to raise a healthy family. I try not to focus on wealth, but what happens when it shows up?
I ignore it. I appreciate it. I thank them for it, and I pay my own way if I can. On many occasions I have had to tell my friends that I couldn’t go out because I couldn’t afford it, or that my husband had a growing business and I just couldn’t “change it” right now. Even going out for drinks with the girls is usually $75 and sometimes that’s not in the budget.
I take the time to hang out with them and get to know them, and we share our struggles with each other and support each other. We all have the same problems when spending money…husbands, wives, children, school, work, etc. If you connect with a person on these levels, the end result is not letting money change you or your friendship.
Going out with my friends without money has other challenges. You don’t want to flaunt your money, travel, or new clothes in front of them. You don’t want to criticize them by shopping at Walmart instead of Macy’s. You cheer them on and share your successes, but it’s wise to be sensitive.
As a person who has had money at certain times in his life and has had financial problems at other times, I have learned a few things. As a person who has also done or said all the bad things, like telling someone I would NEVER shop at Walmart (which I do now all the time), or NEVER shop at thrift stores (which I now love!) I have learned that we are all in stages in our lives. I have now learned that being able to go to Good Will to pick up a few things is just as valuable to me as going to Tiffanys and getting the necklace of my dreams. Being able to handle both gracefully is the challenge, and that’s what I hope to be learning.
I have a gift that I have had in my house for about 6 months that I have to send to a very rich friend in the north. When I told him I picked it up at a store that was “pure Lisa”, he was thrilled! She was completely in awe that I bought her a present and wondered what it could be as she always wonders WHAT people think of her.” Hearing her say she WONDERS what people think of HER… when she practically owns the city you live in. in, says a lot!
I’m going to send it this week and stop putting it off. I believe that all my friends deserve to know that they are special, despite having money… or not!
