Have you ever felt that if people took the time and effort to get to know you a little better, they would love you? I’ve got. Ego trip? Maybe.
What exactly does “to know me is to love me” mean?
Some have interpreted it as “if people got to know me a little better, they would find that I am kind, loving, honest, trustworthy, warm, interesting, intelligent, knowledgeable, responsible, witty, exciting, easy going, fun loving and so sexy”. All the great human being nine meters!
Someone can have all these great qualities but not “seem” the kind of person we can love or want to love. And sometimes taking the time and effort to “know” someone on a deeper level than what we see on the surface can make us “love” them a little more.
I have always been fascinated by the concept of KNOWLEDGE AS LOVE and interpret “to know me is to love me” somewhat differently.
In my African language having sex or making love with another person also refers to “MEET” that person. So can you imagine asking a testosterone-charged man so intent on courting you, “What do you want from me?” and he says “I want to MEET YOU!” or ask a madly in love woman who just can’t leave you alone, “For God’s sake, what do you want me to do?” and she says, “I want you to KNOW me.” Those words go through your heart, down your spine to your groin area. Well, it may not be your spine or your groin, but it certainly is mine.
A man or woman irritated by prolonged eye contact (signifying sexual interest) might rudely say, “Don’t try to KNOW ME!” or “Don’t get acquainted!” Implying don’t try to look into my soul or don’t try to make contact with my soul (through my eyes, the window of my soul).
As I began to study this concept mindfully, I realized that I had to relearn what “love” and “making love” really mean. The words “don’t have sex with someone you don’t know” suddenly had an interesting and deeper meaning.
Where I am now, I have come to the conclusion that “knowing” (or knowledge) and making love are so closely related that love cannot fully act without knowledge, and knowledge cannot fully know without love.
Let me try to break it down like this. What does “know” mean?
1. To perceive directly; grasp in mind with clarity or certainty
2. Regard as true beyond any doubt
3. Have a practical understanding of, as through experience; be skilled at
4. Have fixed in mind
5. Have experience of
6. To perceive as familiar; to recognize
7. To be familiar with
8. Being able to distinguish; recognize as different
9. To discern the character or nature of
10. Possess knowledge, understanding or information.
11. Be aware or aware
12. Having sexual knowledge (or sexual intercourse)
I take this to mean that part of “knowing” is filtering the information we receive in an attempt to get to “the truth.” Familiarizing ourselves with “the truth” establishes “trust.” By establishing trust, we are attempting to love (or make love) based on truth and trust.
When “knowing” is applied to those we love, the truth we seek and the trust we seek to establish is personal, insightful, healing, nurturing, binding, intimate, and satisfying. These are also some of the same words we use when we talk about “love.”
On a conscious or subconscious level we understand and grasp with clarity and certainty what it means to “know.” We even place a high value on knowledge as “power” for better or worse. Much of what we do with knowledge is about formalizing, managing, and controlling it, because knowledge is in fact “power.” A person without knowledge has no power.
Isn’t it ironic, therefore, that we live in a world that tries to drive a wedge between knowledge and love (the greatest POWER of all?). Even more ironic that we never think in terms of a person without knowledge having no love? Is it ironic that we claim love, invoke love, and talk about love, but take comfort (and sometimes pride) in not “knowing” whom we say we love, or not wanting to “know” whom we want to love?
The question begs, why? Is it because we don’t want to “know” or is it because we don’t think we can live with that knowledge?
Why, if we want to be loved unconditionally, do we put conditions on how much of our “Self” we make known (or may be asked to make known)?
Are we acting in and with love when we have information (knowledge) about who we really are, what we have done, what has been done to us, how far we have come? etc. Are we deceiving the person from whom we hide the knowledge of the experience of loving ourselves unconditionally?
Are we afraid of the power of knowledge or are we just not sure of the power of love?
For my part, I feel truly LOVED when truly KNOWN. Loving only the parts of me that you know and like is not loving me at all. That kind of “loving me” is more about you than it is about me. Loving the parts of me you know and don’t like is closer to loving me. To seek (truly) to know myself (and all that I am) is to try to love me. To know me in its entirety is to love me unconditionally!
