My granddaughter got married in Illinois, so we hopped in the car and emptied our wallets at a dozen gas stations along the way.
I should say “gas” stations, as there is no such thing as a gas station since the man with the “star” turned in his badge, except in New Jersey and Oregon where it is still civilized.
Twice I decided to put my wife’s disability tag on my rearview mirror and look sadly out the window, but no one offered to put me in gas, and no one seemed to care that I had about ten trillion bugs on my windshield.
So I loaded up my own gas and watched pennies buy at the speed of light while gallons moved as slowly as molasses in January in Nome, located on the south shore of the Seward Peninsula, which, if you haven’t been there or has been there, is in Alaska.
Removing squashed bugs off my windshield at 75.3 miles per hour is horrible. The speed quoted is the combined speed of my Sienna and errors, but that’s just an estimate. Dragonflies, which make a big splash, could lift it to 75.35 or so.
God made bugs out of instant-setting, mostly waterproof epoxy resin. I always carry a shovel in my car for difficult spots. My wife says that the scratches from the shovel are worse than the bugs. How is it possible?
Having always had the persistence to study nature, I carefully study each squashed insect to see if I can add a new species to my “life bug list” which I keep in my glove box next to my “life bird list” and my “Insect list of life”. rock list”.
We had stopped in the Wyoming Fossil Hills to look past the squashed creatures and I saw that I had an extinct cousin of Dendroctonus ponderosae on my windshield, Dendroctonus ponderosae now dead, or an ancient pine beetle.
I was hoping to log this with The World Federation of Extinct Species so they could remove it from their list, but I realized they would accuse me of making the extinction of Dendroctonus ponderosae nowdeadacus final.
I couldn’t erase the mistake on my sticky note anyway, so they wouldn’t believe me anyway. Also, the photo I took of the bug was as blurry as the bug.
By the way, did you know that every year we lose several species of farm animals? I read it in: [http://www.fao.org/NEWS/2000/001201-e.htm]
We arrived in Newton, Iowa, where there was a pre-wedding reception for my granddaughter and the handsome quarterback she had hired. He’s the twin of her wide receiver who got married last year and got ahead of her.
Some of our old friends from Iowa were at the reception and we traded lies and other success stories. It was very hot in the building and the caterers could barely keep their punch bowls full. It wasn’t colder in Illinois by the river Powerful Mississippi.
I always call the Mississippi, “Mighty”. I wonder if I learned that from Mark Twain, who hung out by the river. Remember Indian Joe of Tom Sawyer fame? I think Tom Sawyer was one of the first movies I ever saw. Indian Joe scared the hell out of me. When I was birding with my number 2 son on the river bank, I kept an eye out for that crafty Indian Joe in the woods.
Well, my granddaughter and her man were married in the Nauvoo Temple as were her older brother and sister. It’s customary for us Mormons to marry forever, so that’s what they did.
This is my advice for the new couple:
Keep trucking!
The end
