In India, arranged marriages are still the norm. Interestingly, the divorce rate is 3% to 7%. Unlike the United States of America which has a 50% divorce rate. That is a big difference.
The 20/20 news did a report on “The Science of Seduction: Why Him? Why Her?” Biological anthropologist Helen Fisher has researched this topic for many years. She conducted research with the help of her colleagues Arthur Aron and Lucy Brown.
The lovers were put into an MRI machine. Activity in the ventral tegmental part of the brain appeared when the lovers viewed photographs of their partners. This was a revelation for Fisher. According to Fisher, “love is not an emotion but a mating device.” The ventral tegmental produces dopamine (stimulant) and sends it to the reward centers of the brain. These are centers for desire, longing, motivation, focused attention, and ecstasy.
Does this mean that the silly love songs and movies got it wrong? According to the study conducted by Fisher, people fall into four categories: explorer, builder, negotiator, and manager. The people who were “matched” with their supposed “perfect mate” did not have a lasting relationship. A couple stuck together to find dating success; this was after the guy found another girl. There is no guarantee that you will fall in love. love even if you use a match maker.
The other side of this study is the arranged marriages that are still practiced in Indian cultures today. Families seeking a husband for their daughter and a wife for their son place advertisements daily in many Indian newspapers.
A couple featured in the 20/20 special got married through an arranged marriage. The man was tired of the “American” dating scene and contacted his family in New Delhi, India to find him a wife. Success! They found one for him and had a three-day celebration. Does Indian culture know something that we don’t?
A few things have changed regarding arranged marriages: the rigid caste system is more relaxed, and Indians can now marry outside their own language and province. Families in India meet and get to know each other. They talk about their son or daughter’s past. Everything is revealed from past habits to addictions to your level of employment. Yes, it’s a background check!
India’s divorce rate is lower than that of the United States of America. Maybe it’s the “cut to the chase” of what they’re looking for in a partner. There’s none of this silly notion of a “knight in shining armor” coming to their rescue. Many women have been raised with this concept over the years. Men and women know exactly what they are getting: no information is withheld from either party. No stone is left unturned!
Matrimonial classifieds can be found all over India. Thanks to the Internet, many of these agencies are online. With a click of the mouse, a husband or wife can be found. Most likely, this will be a marriage that lasts.
There is something to be said for arranged marriages, honesty. Isn’t this a new idea? Before the bride and groom get married, all their cards are on the table. Nothing is hidden. After all, she would bring shame to the family.
Americans in particular can learn from Indian culture. It’s not a bad idea to be open and honest about what you’re looking for in a relationship. Instead of misleading someone, get to the point and say what you’re looking for. People would save a lot of time, money and tears.
The next time someone wants to set you up. Ask a few questions about the man or the woman. In fact, write down exactly what you are looking for in a partner. Let your family and friends know what you’re looking for. This will save you time and frustration in the long run. Not to mention hurt feelings.
