With recent rude indiscretions from everyone from a congressman to actors, this topic is on my mind. Why in heaven’s name would a person in his right mind risk sending suggestive messages or images to someone he doesn’t know…that he’s never met? I love the explanation of a commentator I saw on television. “NARCISSISM!”
We all know, or should know, that our communication devices and technologies come with many risks. When we send someone a text or email, there is an illusion that we actually DO know that person. We meet through chat rooms, dating services, whatever, and quickly develop a “relationship” of some kind. Note the word ILLUSION, because that is exactly what it is. I “conversed” with you through one of these methods and we got acquainted too soon. I would never assume such a “close” relationship with you if I had met you in person (certainly not that quickly).
So if I’m a true narcissist, I just assume that you really want to “get to know” me (with the narcissist, it’s always about me. You know, “Hi, how are you? And how do you feel about me?”). I AM ASSUMING that you want a photo of me in my underwear or nude. Of course, you never asked me for this, but I assume you want it and send it to you with a “nice” message. So, I am totally baffled when you get offended, or when my spouse finds out about this and is heartbroken. Repeatedly, I work with people who have made this very serious mistake. Many times one is married and comes to counseling after finding this type of communication on the part of his partner. They feel betrayed, and rightly so. The pain that all of this brings to relationships is enormous. Many relationships are unable to recover from this type of infidelity (and very often, the offender, regardless of multiple promises to her partner, cannot stop the egregious behavior without long-term counseling).
I guess sexting can be quite fun between engaged couples. It’s still too risky. Neither of these communication systems is as secure and an image intended for only one may end up being sent to May or posted on YouTube. What started out as a “playful” message can haunt a person for years. When prospective employers conduct an online search for an applicant, this is not the type of information that will endear one to a company.
Which is the answer? So easy. Just don’t do it. Do not start this behavior, and if you are, stop. If you can’t stop on your own, ask for help. The consequences are simply not worth it.
