The speakers get nervous. It’s only natural. For most people, it’s an opportunity on a big stage to make a good impression – or not! Supporters try to help with what they think is good advice. Sometimes it is; but often it is not. In fact, some of the worst advice I’ve ever heard has been given to speakers by friends, family, and colleagues.
“Don’t be nervous… you’ll be great.”
When has telling people not to be nervous made them less nervous? It’s like telling someone not to feel hot. You can’t just turn these sensations on and off. And telling someone who suffers from stage fright that it’s going to be great is useless or just unheard of.
It’s terrible advice because most people already tell themselves, “I shouldn’t be so nervous.” It just reinforces your feeling of error. They don’t just feel nervous; They feel guilty for feeling this way! What a sure way to erode your self-confidence.
Instead, they should be told that nervousness is normal. Some of the world’s most famous artists still have debilitating performance anxiety. Once they accept the fact that this is just the body’s natural reaction to a high-stress scenario, they can look for ways to mitigate the effects. This could be taking a slow deep breath, walking out of your presentation (metaphorically and/or literally), listening to your favorite music – it’s very individual.
“Take it easy.”
Same as “Don’t be nervous.” Wasted words.
Instead, acknowledge the adrenaline rush and help turn it from negative energy into positive emotion by assuring them how much the audience is looking forward to their performance.
“Keep changing your presentation so it’s always interesting to you.”
Compare your speech to a turn. You are the tour guide, the places you visit make up your content, and your audience is the tour group. Imagine you are a tourist in that group and the guide says, “Welcome to X. This is my first time coming here. The other places get pretty boring after a while.”
Your interest and satisfaction should be based on your ability to interest your audience, not on your own interest. And to give your audience the most engaging experience, you need to know your content well, especially your key phrases, facts, and stories.
Instead, they should be told, “You’ve done this before, so you know what works. Just give them that.”
“Imagine them naked.”
This has been around for eons. And it’s always been foolish advice. The likely result is that you will find it distracting or disturbing!
Instead, the advice should be to place two or three people in the audience (ideally sitting in different areas) who seem interested. Make eye contact with these people. Ignore those with negative body language. In a room of 20 or more there will always be someone who doesn’t want to be there (unless you’re a celebrity!) Not your problem. Just focus on the ones that do want to be there.
“Everything you say must be new to them.”
This creates a mindset where a speaker feels guilty if they say something audience members have heard before. Then, apologetically, they introduce their content with lines like:
- “Sorry if you’ve heard this before…”
- “You may have already seen this, and if so, I apologize.”
Instead, they should be told, “It doesn’t matter if some of them may have heard of it before. Many will not have, and you will use it in your own original context.” The reality is that there’s no way you can know everything your audience members have heard before, so setting yourself up for an “originality test” like this is foolish.
Speakers remember: all advice is well-intentioned; but that doesn’t make it good. And if you are trying to help a speaker; be wise with your advice.
