When King Freddie fired Merlin, the Prime Minister formed a union with the Patron Saint George called NUPMAPS, the National Union of Prime Ministers and Patron Saints. NUPMAPS called a strike that resulted in kingdom-wide chaos as the former Patron Saint, Cuthbert, resorted to the old methods of monster control. Desperate, Freddie asked Merlin for help to restore order.
“I have Cuthbert demanding more resources to ward off the monsters and the Grumpy Greens lobby demanding that we preserve the monsters for posterity. Wild monsters have burned half the kingdom and the captive creatures are burning for lack of proper sustenance. Cuthbert keeps bringing my horses with monkey tails. Alexander bit the French ambassador, for which Pierre demands compensation of ten tons of Marmorgugelhupf cake. He knows I can’t meet his demands because Cuthbert has banned the production.
Why don’t you negotiate with the authorities in Vienna to supply Pierre? Wed saidlin. ‘That’s where George got the magic cake, isn’t it?’
I have tried, but the Austrian government does not seem to know anything about it.
‘So it’s either a state secret or George stumbled upon a local recipe with special powers,’ Merlin mused.
‘Well, it doesn’t help me!’ the king protested.
‘I’m sorry, but in my private capacity there is little I can do to help,’ Merlin replied.
Can’t you ask George to get the cake production back on track? pleaded the not-so-cheerful monarch.
‘Only if he stops victimizing all NUPMAPS members,’ replied Merlin the Whirlin, ‘and that means restoring everyone to their previous positions, with adequate pay increases to match inflation and guaranteed weeks off.’
‘What is inflation?’ asked a puzzled Freddie.
‘It is the increase in the prices of goods in the market.’
‘But prices don’t go up in the market; they have remained the same since the time of King Canute.
‘Ah, but prices could go up with the increasing demand for Marmorgugelhupf cake, especially since most keepers and providers are eating it as well as the monsters.’
Freddie still didn’t understand, so he asked, ‘How much do you need then?’
How much do you pay Cuthbert?
‘Cuthbert is a special case, he is doing three jobs at the same time.’
‘Not very well!’
‘However, he bears the responsibility.’
How about six shillings and sixpence?
For George?
‘No, for me,’ Merlin insisted. Who ever heard of a patron saint paying that much?
‘How much for George then?’
‘Oh, you can have three and six, plus a free payment of a shilling to buy a new visor.
‘Why do you need a new visor?’
He says the clip on the old man is worn out and constantly falls off.
‘Then I’ll get the royal armor to fix it.’
What about bareheaded weeks?
‘What about them?’
‘Can we continue our weeks without a pointy hat and weeks without armor?’
‘Oh, okay, and I’ll have a coronation week.’
‘Then all is well,’ said a happy Merlin.
