When you start to make positive changes and improve yourself, you expect your friends to be excited and happy for you. No one expects a close friendship to turn toxic, but unfortunately it does. I can tell you firsthand that it’s devastating when once close friendships crash and burn for a time that should be exciting for you. Toxic friendships don’t always mean your best friend is actively sabotaging you. In true Mean Girls fashion, they can happen when they’ve simply drifted apart and chosen different paths. Read my 5 truths about personal growth and toxic friendships and see if anything resonates with you.
Creating personal growth in your life will not sit well with some friends.
If you’re transforming your life with positive changes, whether it’s gaining self-confidence, losing weight, maybe starting a new career, you’ll lose friends. Period. People who aren’t comfortable with change will find your evolving life hard to swallow, perhaps because it reminds them that they’re stuck in life, or maybe because they’re not used to you standing up for yourself. Maybe your entire friendship was based on the negative behaviors you kicked. Self-improvement will expose friends who don’t have your best interests at heart. Prepare to lose friends, to be hurt a lot, and then get over it and feel happy. Losing friends may not seem like it, but it can be a blessing in disguise.
A toxic friend is not necessarily a bad person
The thing about toxic friends is that sometimes they don’t mean to be toxic at all and are generally pretty good people outside of their rocky friendship. Maybe they’re just terrified of change and can’t understand their new perspective. Most toxic friends come in the form of people who are unsupportive of your successes, talk behind your back, or judge your goals. I’m talking about the friends that leave you feeling drained, negative, or depressed about yourself every time you see them. They’re not bad people, but that doesn’t change the fact that they’re toxic to your personal growth. Take a good look at your friendships and see who is trying to get you back into your bad habits, who is interrupting you when you share something you are proud of, who is telling you that you are not a good friend. because you’re not putting your full attention on them. That’s the kind of people you don’t need.
Ending the friendship doesn’t have to be dramatic.
I can look at my old group of friends with love and respect for our time together, but at the same time I know they are toxic to my enhanced self. I don’t spend my time gossiping, but I used to with them. I don’t like to have superficial small talk all the time, but I used to with them. I don’t spend my time complaining about the present while reminiscing about the past, but I used to with them. I think about being positive, working towards the future instead of getting stuck in the past and stop making fun of people because it made me feel better about myself, and unfortunately that caused some awkwardness and distance in the friendship. People split up and choose different paths, and my path just didn’t have room for their negative energy. I’m not saying cut out friends who disagree with you all the time or have different goals than you, I’m saying it’s important to have friends who are authentic. Ending a friendship doesn’t have to be a big dramatic fight. You could try to talk about how you feel with them if you are interested in salvaging the friendship; they may not realize how they are affecting you and may change their attitude. If that’s not the case, you have two options: you can either say outright that you need some space, or gradually stop dating them. Leaving it on a good note leaves room for reconnection if you think they may grow in the future.
Leaving toxic friendships will free up your energy and time to spend on supportive relationships.
Here’s the hard part: Even though they don’t mean to be toxic and are generally good people, they’re still toxic and you have to move on. Leaving a friendship is just as difficult as leaving a romantic relationship, especially if you still love and respect that friend. I had to, and it bothered me for most of the year. I kept asking myself the same questions over and over “why don’t my best friends understand me, why are they so into trivial and negative things”? I lost sleep over it, I cried over it, I screamed over it, but in the end, I came to understand that it was for the best. Now, I only spend my time with people who celebrate me, support me and love me unconditionally, and whom I celebrate, support and love. It’s an amazing feeling to be surrounded by people who I know only want the best for me. I am happier, more confident, more fulfilled, more inspired! Great things come from leaving toxic friends.
Never hide your positive progress because a friend is not happy for you
Toxic friends have their own underlying issues that make them act unsupportive towards you, don’t take it personally. It’s an indicator that they’re not happy with themselves or their lives, so it’s not you, it’s them. Just because people aren’t happy with your amazing progress doesn’t mean you should hide it. Shine like a diamond, you worked hard to manifest change in your life, don’t let some skeptics tarnish your success. Surround yourself with friends who are proud of you and encourage you to do better. Evaluate your circle and only keep amazing people close. Any friend who doesn’t leave you feeling encouraged, supported, and happy doesn’t need to be a friend, and life is too short to associate with people who don’t appreciate the beautiful soul that you are. Just know you’re not the only person who’s been through this. You may feel lonely now, but soon you will find people who appreciate who you are and who you are trying to be, and you won’t feel forced or alone. Always follow your intuition, if someone constantly brings you down, it may be time to reconsider the friendship.
Have you had any encounters with personal growth and toxic friendships? Tell me about it in the comments below!
