I often hear wives ask me how husbands really feel about their mistresses. I often hear things like, “It’s bad enough that he cheated on me and had a physical relationship with someone else. But emotional cheating is the hardest thing to take. Because I don’t think I could handle it if I were in love.” with her.”
Or, “My husband claims he loves his mistress. I don’t think this is possible. They haven’t known each other for a long time and she’s not the type of woman he would find attractive. What the hell has she gotten into with him? Usually He’s a smart man, but he’s acting so stupid.”
As I’m sure you already suspect, a husband’s feelings for a mistress may be a facade. There are many reasons why he may think that he is in love with her. I will go over some of these reasons in the following article. And I’ll tell you why I don’t normally buy most of them.
Often the husband wants to love his mistress so that his actions are justified: Let’s be honest. Cheating on your spouse is not the behavior many people are most proud of. is deceitful is immature AND indicates that you would rather go behind someone’s back to solve a problem rather than handle it like an adult. Therefore, husbands will often try to convince themselves that the action they took was based on strong, undeniable, and irresistible feelings that come once in a lifetime.
So a husband will often say to himself, “I didn’t plan on cheating on her. But she’s my soul mate. How am I supposed to turn my back on that?” Because he is looking for a way to justify her actions, he often magnifies his feelings for her. Imagine cheating on her spouse just because he thinks she “likes” someone. This doesn’t make that much sense, does it? So he has to exaggerate her feelings towards himself, the lover and towards you until her actions start to feel justified or seem to make some sense.
A man may think he loves his lover, but what he really loves is the way she makes him feel about himself: A husband may look you straight in the eye and tell you that the mistress “understands.” she “gets” or “appreciates” it in a way that you don’t. Of course you would like to believe this. Because often, she tells him that he’s wonderful, exciting, and doing nothing wrong. Who wouldn’t answer that?
She doesn’t see the man who trims his nose hairs in the sink or leaves his underwear on the bathroom floor. It’s easy for her to be “into” him because she’s not seeing the real him. Over time, this changes. But at first, your attention and feedback from him is likely to make him feel valued, exciting, and unique. It’s not her he loves. What he loves is how safe and alive it makes him feel to be with her.
The problem is that none of this is based on any form of reality. Eventually, she too will see her flaws and eventually she too will turn her attention back to real life. But in the meantime, he can tell you that he’s “in love” with her, but you have to know that what he really loves about her is how she makes him feel.
So where does that leave you? Well, knowledge can be power. Eventually, she’ll have to pick up those dirty socks or deal with her other problems and all that excitement and energy will start to fade. And when she does, the feelings will follow. And suddenly, along with her disappointment, she too will see those loving feelings begin to reveal themselves for what they really are. An affair usually stems from some personal crisis or self-esteem issue. He usually does nothing (other than having an affair) to address this. These issues will eventually affect the affair in the same way that they affected the marriage.
It is highly unlikely to find a soul mate within a sea of deceit: When men claim that the mistress is their “soul mate”, you have to wonder what their logic is. A relationship based on lies, deceit, and imagination is often doomed to fail. How are they going to have a relationship based on trust, mutual respect and admiration when you consider how their relationship started?
A loving and healthy relationship is based on history, honesty, transparency and perseverance in the long term. The lady has none of these things on her part. Sure, at first, everything may seem bright and exciting, but it can’t last, and it usually doesn’t. As these two come back to reality, what is real in that relationship will usually reveal itself. And when she does, so do the feelings behind it.
Often only then a man will realize that he does not love the mistress at all. He maybe he thought so. He maybe he loved how the relationship made him feel. Perhaps the feelings were intensified because of the risk and the sense of urgency. But usually it’s all a facade in the end. I am not saying that husband and mistress will never make it in a long-term relationship. This happens from time to time. But it seems to me that it is the exception and not the rule.
In the end, they usually have too many factors against them. And once they’re back in real life, this will usually become pretty apparent.
