Aside from what to wear, it is the most common conundrum faced by tourists visiting Oaxaca, and even expats who have recently moved to this colonial city in southern Mexico: what to give when invited to a wedding, fifteen years ( when a girl turns 15), baptism, anniversary party or any other event that marks a joyous rite of passage.
On the other hand, being invited to a regular social gathering without a specific purpose or reason is clearly different and a much easier problem to solve, since such gatherings can be seen as they are in the United States or Canada; Regardless of the socioeconomic status of the host, you can bring a box of chocolates, flowers, tequila or wine (the latter more for the middle classes), something for the home, or even a representative souvenir from your country of origin such as a bottle of syrup from maple.
Oaxaca is one of the poorest states in all of Mexico, but it is one of the richest in terms of diversity of cultures, rituals, and traditions. While it can be confusing to know what to give away in any foreign, non-Western society in particular, in Oaxaca it is even more of a problem to solve, due to its uniqueness … the variety of ethnic groups, the wide range of socioeconomic status, urban v . rural considerations, etc.
Rites of Passage Celebrations in Oaxaca
Oaxacans celebrate initiation rites much more frequently and with much more enthusiasm than Americans and Canadians. In some cases, even for non-significant birthdays (that is, those that we traditionally allow to pass without special recognition), there is an expectation that your friends and family will come over for a meal or dinner, even if an invitation has not been extended. formal. Therefore, Oaxacans are continually inundated with social obligations.
And since in Mexico, the family extends to both compadres and blood relatives, family gatherings to acknowledge a plethora of initiation rites can sometimes take place almost weekly due to “fictitious kinship” relationships. The implication is that there are many more gifts in Oaxacan society than in the United States or Canada; which means that financial constraints generally impose a more modest gift regime. There does not appear to be the same expectation that exists in the US or Canada regarding the quality of the gift received. On the other hand, there is an adage that goes something like this: the reason that most Oaxacans have two or more jobs is that the first provides a sufficient salary to meet the necessities of life, and the others cover the cost. of social services. obligations.
Who gave us the green blender?
It is still normative behavior in many towns and villages, and among lower-class or working-class urban Oaxacans, not to include a card with a gift, although, of course, one can. This suggests that anonymity is accepted in terms of the gift you give. So you can “get away with it” with something more modest than one would think otherwise. There is often a receiving line where you are expected to physically present your gift. If it is wrapped in a gift bag or box, the recipient should have a good enough memory to remember that it was you who gave them the medium-sized box wrapped in blue paper with a purple bow.
On the other hand, it is still common practice to present a gift taped to a stiff and elegantly decorated table and wrapped in clear plastic. Therefore, it is much easier for the recipient to remember who gave them the green blender. It’s a bit more confusing when there are four or five stocked blenders at a wedding, a common setting.
A blender? Yes, apart from the accepted tradition of “anything goes” in terms of the value or quality of the gift, the type of gift is also viewed differently in Oaxaca. A lamp or a set of sheets for fifteen years; a pig for a country wedding, a couple of towels for a 25-year party.
Urban gifts in Oaxaca
Signing up to receive wedding gifts is becoming more common in Oaxaca than it was ten years ago. Signing up for a department store with branches across the country such as Sears and Liverpool (Factories of France) is becoming particularly fashionable for couples who will establish a home outside of Oaxaca. Since almost all culturally middle-class Oaxacans send their children out of state to college, there is a greater chance that couples from two different states will marry. And they will be located in the state of the spouse who is not from Oaxaca, for economic reasons; it is more difficult to earn a living in Oaxaca than in most other states.
Likewise, it is becoming more and more acceptable to request cash as a wedding gift, making the decision easier, except for deciding the amount. Fortunately, the middle and upper classes now understand that not all foreigners are billionaires.
Donate for the well-being of a couple has arrived in Oaxaca. In a recent invitation received for a 30th wedding anniversary party for a wealthy couple, cash was requested; and envelopes were distributed at the door, with a pen that allowed the guest to write down their name. Appropriate? Perhaps, given that the concept of soliciting donations from a particular charity has not yet come up in Oaxaca.
It’s hard to go wrong with benevolence, religion, and other
Anything goes with regards to gifts in Oaxaca. Gifts run the gamut in both urban and rural settings. There does not seem to be the same perception of receiving an inappropriate or “not enough” gift. There is no gossip network. Oaxacans do not talk about the gifts they receive. They practically never send thank you notes.
If you’re really stuck on what to give, ask the person who extended the invitation if what they have in mind is appropriate. Alternatively, there is always the option of attending a store specializing in religious gifts such as rosaries, crucifixes, bibles, and altarpieces. But first make sure you know that your invitation has been extended by a Catholic.
