As more and more people meet through online dating or at events away from home, and as people move to other cities for work, long-distance relationships are becoming more common. Sometimes they are very challenging and sometimes they work well.
The challenges
If you are an insecure, anxious, needy, or jealous person, a long-distance relationship is probably not for you. Until you learn to love yourself enough to not worry about what your partner is doing and lovingly care for your own feelings, it will probably be very stressful for you.
If you are an outgoing person who regenerates with your partner and with others, not seeing your partner on a daily basis can be very hard for you, especially if you are a housewife or have a job where you do not have much interaction with others. the rest.
If you’re a working mom or dad, or have multiple young children, it can be a big challenge for you not to have the help of your partner.
If constant, daily in-person connection and affection is important to you, then a long-distance lifestyle would not work well for you.
the positives
If you’re a more introverted person who needs a lot of time alone to regenerate, not being with a partner on a daily basis might work well.
If you or your partner are very busy and achievement-oriented individuals, getting together on the weekends or even once a month for a weekend could be a lifestyle that works for you.
If you and your partner both love spending time alone, then a long distance relationship might be right for you.
If the two of you love each other but often provoke each other in ways that lead to distance or conflict, then not seeing each other as much could be what saves your relationship.
If you love to travel and are a very social person who makes friends wherever you go, and your partner is a more laid back person who stays at home, it is possible that the two of you will meet your needs through a long distance relationship.
If you tend to be a very giving person and are afraid of being gobbled up, you may feel much more secure in a long-distance relationship.
Sometimes people who live in different cities meet and fully enjoy their relationship, as long as they live apart. But fears of being gobbled up can be triggered if they make plans to live together.
Beth and her partner Danny enjoyed their weekends together once a month and their vacations together. They thought that the next step would be to live together. But when Danny’s job finally allowed him to move to the same town as Beth, she was terrified. During their seven-year long-distance relationship, Beth often indulged in weekends together and even on the phone, and sometimes she’d breathe a sigh of relief when Danny returned to her house. Despite her complaining that she and Danny didn’t get enough time together, when the opportunity finally arose for this to come true, Beth suddenly found herself reevaluating the relationship. Her fear of being swallowed up by her was so great that she ended the relationship. She told me that Danny was a very demanding person and that she could handle that in a long distance relationship but not in a cohabitation one.
Beth could have done the necessary inner work to develop her loving adult so that she no longer gave herself away, but she had convinced herself that the relationship would end anyway if she stopped being a caretaker. She could have been right, but she could also have been wrong. The only way she could have known the truth would have been to stop caring for her and see what happened. But she was not willing to take this risk.
It’s important to be honest with yourself about whether or not a long distance relationship is for you.
