Men reach orgasm through masturbation much faster than women. This is because men get aroused at the start of any sexual activity. The clitoris does not respond to stimulation except under specific circumstances. A woman needs to know how to get mentally aroused enough to orgasm. She needs an environment of absolute privacy in order to achieve arousal by concentrating her mind on her fantasy.
There is no point in stimulating an unexcited sexual organ. Anyone who intends to reach orgasm must first get the necessary mental arousal. After the first time, we dated with the goal of reaching orgasm. We know from experience how aroused we are. The trigger for orgasm arises in the brain. To reach orgasm, we must put aside other concerns and distractions to focus on erotic thoughts. The stimulation that causes orgasm consists of massaging the sexual organ. Mental arousal causes blood to flow to the genitals.
What excites is personal to the individual. Only the individual can determine which explicit aspects of sexual activity arouse him. Only we can generate the mental focus we need to achieve orgasm. This psychological arousal, when combined with massaging the blood flow within the erectile organ (penis or clitoris), can result in a release of sexual tension (orgasm).
A man knows what turns him on because male arousal occurs regularly. Men are similarly aroused regardless of their orientation. For young men, arousal is biological or automatic. Men are turned on by many stimuli. Men are turned on by sexual opportunities, nudity, and specifically the genitals. Men’s minds easily focus on erotic thoughts when engaging in sexual activity with a lover. Men mainly seek to be the digger. A man can be aroused simply by knowing that a lover is penetrative.
A man is motivated to stimulate his penis from the beginning of sexual activity because he is already aroused. Having an erection is his motivation for having sex. In order to ejaculate, a man must focus his mind on specific (personal to him) and explicit (involving the genitals) aspects of eroticism. Men’s minds should focus on explicitly erotic thoughts. They can’t reach orgasm while having a non-sexual conversation, for example. Men also need continuous stimulation of the penis until they reach orgasm.
What turns men on is relative to the society we live in. Years ago, when women covered their bodies, men would get turned on by the sight of a woman’s ankle. Similarly, porn actresses are not really turned on or having an orgasm when they make all that noise. The idea of female arousal is suggestive, so men may be aroused by the idea that this noise means female arousal.
Anyone who masturbates at almost any age (except some very young children) needs to use fantasy to get turned on. What excites are erotic concepts or images that make us interested in engaging in sexual activities. We enjoy the feelings of arousal that result from exploring our fantasies. Sex involves our enjoyment of mental arousal through an appreciation of eroticism (men use visual scenarios, women use psychological scenarios).
Because of their much lower responsiveness, women have to work much harder than men to achieve the mental arousal necessary for orgasm. A woman is not aroused like a man by stimuli from the real world (such as underwear or male genitalia). A woman has to generate arousal from scratch. She does this by using high levels of concentration to focus on surreal fantasies when she’s alone. A woman has to make a much more conscious effort to become aroused since her ability to respond to eroticism is buried deep within her subconscious.
A woman needs to put herself in the man’s position in penetrative sex, which involves immersing herself in a surreal fantasy. A woman needs considerable mental focus to focus on the explicitly taboo aspects of sex that turn her on. These erotic fantasies are quite different from the romantic scenarios that most women talk about when they refer to sexual fantasies.
Some men (75%) have sexual dreams that result in an orgasm at some point in their lives. Women rarely have sexual dreams but if they do they are romantic scenarios based on the emotional aspects of intercourse. Romantic fantasies are based on real men. Women cannot orgasm when they are asleep because female arousal (the one that leads to orgasm) does not arise subconsciously. Female arousal is achieved through a conscious process. The psychological environment of dreams is not concentrated enough to cause a female orgasm. A woman has to push her way to orgasm at each stage with studied concentration. At no time is female orgasm inevitable, except once it’s already happening. Women’s dreams are not centered on their erotic fantasies or even on the genital stimulation they need for orgasm.
The orgasm, when it is our goal, defines the end of the activity that was focused on achieving it. Stimulation stops for a variety of reasons. First, the goal of stimulation is to achieve orgasm. Work done. The sexual tension has been released. Second, orgasm coincides with the feeling of release and the end of our ability to be aroused by a particular fantasy. The fantasy that we have been enacting in our minds has come to an end. Thirdly, our sexual organ can no longer be excited by the same stimulation, which can even be uncomfortable. The blood has moved away from the genitals.
The male is excited because he has been conditioned by his previous experience, which is not the case with most females. (Alfredo Kinsey 1953)
