How ‘good’ are you at making new friends? Recent research has found that many of us (49%) are simply too busy to think about putting in the effort to establish a new friendship with all that it entails. 63% say work takes up too much of their time, while 65% blame housework.
The End Loneliness Campaign, in partnership with YouGov, has revealed that 54% of British adults feel it’s been a long time since they’ve made new friends. With loneliness being such a big problem, you’d think making new friends and connections would be seen as a worthwhile investment, more important than work and chores!
So why do so many people seem unwilling to do what it takes to forge new relationships? Are work and tasks really such a priority that there is no time to focus on meeting new people? Making the effort to smile or start a conversation that can turn into something more meaningful takes time, effort, and perhaps money, especially if the social side is heightened. Is that seen as too much hard work?
The survey found that 88% of 2,000 people interviewed online felt that minor gestures, such as smiling at each other or sharing small talk in a public place, such as on the bus or in a store, were a valuable way to address loneliness. Certainly positive human interaction is a start to keeping human connection alive. Perhaps those transitory gestures are enough for busy people.
But how do we start making new friends, especially if other people aren’t especially receptive?
– One way is to meet new people in a relaxed social situation.. If we are interested in a specific activity, such as music, sport, theater, why not find a local group that suits that interest? There we can meet people with similar interests to ours, we are more likely to maintain our enthusiasm, and over time we get to know people quite well. New friendships are often made in relaxed social settings.
– If we already have a complete social agenda but it does not particularly inspire us Might it be time to do a housecleaning of some of our friends in a less prominent position? There may be childhood friends, from school days, from when the kids were little, from our old neighborhood, and we may have kept in touch, meeting regularly over the years. If they have now become a chore rather than a pleasure, why not start by being less available or turning those gatherings into a group invite, making them more relaxed and fun while freeing up some time? That way, you manage to make room in your schedule for new ways to spend your free time.
– Many people make friends through work.. A shared occupation may not be enough to sustain a lifelong friendship, but it is often enough for people to share fun and interesting moments together and often provides plenty of common ground for discussion. You could progress a relationship by suggesting coffee after work or finding out what’s going on locally and organizing a social event for several of your colleagues.
– Similarly, children can bring parents together., whether through school events, the PTA or chatting at the school gates. Those little moments of connection can gradually become more meaningful and add real value to our lives. Friends encourage us to be sociable, they motivate us to try harder to take care of ourselves, they advise us if we have problems with something they know about. How often do we ask our friends for recommendations? It’s nice to be referred to a tried and tested merchant when we need it.
– It is important that our friends have similar aspirations to ours. It can be awkward and embarrassing if our friend has much more disposable income than we do or wants to party more often than we do. Sometimes we have to be open and honest, say what we can commit to and stay calm. It is often quoted that we become like the five people we spend most of our time with. Make sure your friends motivate and inspire you instead of wearing you down and exhausting you.
Making new friends works best when it’s an easy process, logistically convenient, and adds value to our lives. To support and nurture new relationships, we have to make the time, want them in our lives, and be able to afford the time, money, and effort. Sometimes tasks and work need to be relegated to the background.
