Few can boast of how delicious their baked beans are and the quality of the toots they make apart from my wife Blanca’s recipe. You will love their baked beans and it will increase the quality of your toots or your money back, wait, you are paying nothing for this recipe.
The only requirement is that you must say this rhyme out loud while serving the beans to your family and guests. It’s a bit strange, if you promise to do that, your baked bean dish will turn out to be a delicious and huge success, if not, well, you’re on your own. This is an old family legend that goes back to the days of Captain Cook or was it Pocahontas, well it was someone who made a name for himself in history and was an expert in playing.
Here is the rhythm: “Beans, beans, the musical fruit, the more you eat, the more you play, the more you play, the better you feel, so eat Blanca’s baked beans at every meal.” Now it wasn’t so fun!
Ingredients
5 different types of beans
1 large can of beans
1 large can of Spanish red beans
1 large can of red kidney beans
1 large can of pinto beans
1 large can of chickpeas
1 large onion, chopped
1 large green bell pepper, chopped
2 cups of tomato sauce
3 tablespoons apple cider vinegar
1 tablespoon minced garlic
¼ cup brown sugar
1 cup molasses
Yeah. powdered mustard
2 bay leaves
½ pound thickly sliced bacon
Cayenne pepper to taste, we like it a lot, you will create a flamethrower.
Instructions:
Be sure to drain the cans of beans and rinse them. You can substitute the canned beans for the dried beans, but obviously you’ll need to soak them overnight before you can use them.
Using a large bowl mix all ingredients together and place in a baking dish, preferably Pyrex type and cover the bean mixture with aluminum foil, place in a preheated 275 degree oven. Cook in the oven for five hours, uncover the aluminum foil for the last 30 minutes in the oven and serve piping hot, and let it start to toast. One option is to put ½ teaspoon of baking soda into the bean mixture to reduce the effects of the beans, but then it couldn’t really be called a “Tooting Baked Beans Recipe”, could it?
Don’t be afraid to crack a little wind, let one rip, or drop one. Hey, farts are as old as life itself. When you’re in the mood and surrounded by people you want to impress or don’t want to be embarrassed about, here are some pet names you can use to break the ice, so to speak.
These little names have been passed down through the centuries to describe simple farts. It’s a way to add a bit of dignity to the event. When the situation arises simply use the pet’s name how was that…flatulence”-this is used when you are around a group of medical students, intellectuals, university professors and wealthy doctors”blanket bomb”-must have at sleepovers”,swag burp”– for dancers, all kinds of dancers, except in strip clubs, “bull’s snort”-bullfighters and most of the spectators”,squeal of cheeks”-librarians, and spinster teachers, “trumpet sound”-the members of the orchestra and the conductor, of course”,chemical warfare”- military commanders, and even the Chief of Staff, of course he won’t admit it, he’ll just say it’s classified,”killer chili”-food servers in Mexican restaurants, “crispy frogs”-Rainforest and Tarzan guides‘duck call’-hunters and good boys chewing tobacco”,fart combination”-fast food employees and must be executed in quick succession,”fartrogen dioxide”- chemical engineers who possibly worked on atomic projects“fickle fluff”-indecisive bartenders and policemen”, mushroom maker”-mushroom growers and bat trainers,” fire in the hole”- demolitions experts and the gorkers watching, “amazing”-anyone who tries to impress someone, and then lethally messes it all up, also tabloid news commentators,”flies breaking the sound barrier”-Testpilots, and a test pilot wants to be“Foo Foo”-cooking in a Chinese restaurant”,disheveled woman”- egotistical and egotistical business owners,”barking orders”- professional trainers but with the screaming crowd no one will hear anyway“Crosswind”-commercial airline pilots hoping flight attendants won’t bring them coffee at honk hour, you may have heard one pilot tell the other, quite a bit of a crosswind today, well, the secrets. “kabooms”-music singers of the fiftieslaughing gas- party guests who just can’t stop laughing, sometimes leading to repeated fartingpuffs of love- disgruntled bakery employees methane magiclandfill Bulldozer Operator, Moonlight –hippies and stoners, morning thunderteenagers who don’t like to get up in the morning and dare you to come into their room, mouse squeaker –computer operators looking at everyone else trying to pass the blame, “Casual perfume”- status seekers in a social gathering, “little poop”- kids who can’t take the blame and point to Winnie,”popcorn fart”-at least the beans weren’t blamed for this, prison Break-prisoners who know that this is the closest they are to getting out, “purple clouds”, tornado chasers, and people who live in thatched huts, putt-putts-the grannies and the miniature golfers, “rectal turbulence”- people who are flying at thirty thousand feet or more and cannot contain themselves, roar of rectum-zoo keepers and lion trainers, “ripsnorter”-a hick drinking beer with a pitbull next to him,”silent purpose violent”-someone you don’t want to be sitting next to on a plane, train or car, or in church,”heavenly “perfuming” priests, ministers and rabbis. There you have friends, now use any of these pet names that fit the occasion and impress your colleges.
If there are any of you with Victorian principles and this review offends you, well, I tell you… don’t worry, be happy, laugh a lot, smile often and play where and when the need arises. Now that you know all this pet names You can be a hit at any social event and handle it eloquently if the occasion arises and you need to break the wind a bit. Playing happy.
