A guy can seem like he walked out of your dreams and into your life. He is perfect in every way, so you are comfortable with the idea that he could be ‘the one’. You’ve had a couple of great dates, but he’s been acting weird lately. He always seems worried, and when you call, he’s always busy. Before you start blaming yourself completely, keep this little fact in mind: no matter how perfect some men may seem, many of them are simply commitment-phobic. Here are seven truths to help you understand why, and perhaps save you from drowning in a sea of self-pity.
It’s on the rebound.
He may not have spoken about it, but a guy may still be dealing with the ghosts of a relationship gone wrong. When this is his problem, he has nothing to do with you, and if you’re worried about yourself, the safest bet is to back off slowly. You don’t want to get involved with a guy who is on the mend. He’s bound to compare you to his ex in every way, and if you don’t fit the bill, he’ll just find someone who does.
It has the status “It’s complicated”.
Well, this is a softer version of a bounce. Some may call it cheating, and others may reason that there is no relationship to cheating. This simply means that you are having a difficult time with your girlfriend or his wife, and they are probably trying to work it out and not succeeding. Again, you don’t want to get involved with him just yet. Because he’s had such a rough time with his ex, or his ex-to-be, his expectations of you will be incredibly high and you’ll only hate yourself when you can’t meet them.
Still having mommy issues.
This is very heavy, but it’s true. Many men who can’t seem to succeed in relationships with women blame their mothers for their unresolved issues. Her mother was too busy, she was away all the time, her mother remarried four times, her mother never married, or her mother didn’t take care of the kids, etc. There’s a deeper, twisted psychological implication to all of this, but the point is, if you’re competing with mom’s bad memories here, there’s nothing you can do but offer her a supporting shoulder and advice when she asks for it.
He’s just more interested in other things.
You may be perfect in every way, but what can you do with a guy who is madly obsessed with gambling and his sports betting programs? Or, you may be excited about this promotion you’d like to have at work, and you just don’t want any commitment other than the one you have with his job. This is not as desperate as it may seem. He may eventually realize your worth, but until then, you don’t have to wait for him.
He doesn’t want to leave the trough.
There are guys who just want to go out and go out and go out without any intention of falling in love and settling down. For them, dating is like an adventure, or a game of who can have more women. It is also a macho sign for many guys. They think that the more women they add to their little black book, the more men they are against their counterparts. Not all men choose to be like this forever, and for some, it’s just a phase.
Your expectations are too high.
Some men turn out to be idealists. In their heads, they created the perfect woman: they invented the perfect shade of hair, eyes and body figure. This woman needs to have a certain level of intelligence and a good set of admirable features. This woman must know how to bake her favorite chocolate cake and cook her favorite dish for dinner. In short, she is nothing short of perfect. Some guys won’t settle until they meet this girl, good luck to them. Meanwhile, she finds a guy with more realistic perceptions of a woman.
It’s just not ready.
This is the broadest but most common reason guys give when they can’t commit. They just aren’t ready to share their apartment with someone, or be forced to call someone every night to ask how their day was. Once again, there is no telling when a boy will be ready. All one can do is just be the lucky girl who is there when he decides he is ready to take the plunge.
